Archive for the ‘nonsense’ Tag

Not complaining   1 comment

Evidently, I have needed to get some things off of my chest. But not on real people, of course. They have responses and answers and questions.

That being said, I want to give a shout-out to Brie cheese. And to apologize to that cheese.

Dear Mr. (Ms.?) Brie,

I must apologize. You were not greeted enthusiastically in my home. I am sorry that I was the only one truly happy to see you, and the only one that will be saddened by your departure. In the meantime it has fallen upon me to spend as much time with you as possible. So you won’t be lonely, of course. Your friend Edam is coming next week and I don’t want you to be jealous of how he is treated.

Sincerely,

Definite Maybe

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Posted January 4, 2011 by comomma in Uncategorized

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An Open Letter to Banana-Throwers   1 comment

Dear Sir,

When you pulled up in the parking lot, eating your banana, I was busy tying my shoes. You see, I was working up the energy to walk into the gym in front of all those people and just use the stupid machines already. Ahem. So, while tying and talking myself into the madness, I happened to watch you pull up in your very clean car, that has a street value of at least twice my crayon-colored, funky-smelling minivan. And I watched you throw your half-eaten banana onto the ground. TWO FEET FROM A TRASH CAN. I have to apologize for what happened next. I should have waited quietly in my car, you were nearly past it when I jumped out and asked you if you’d like me to pick up your banana. I should not have responded to your “But it’s biodegradable” comment, but I did anyway. You graciously conceded defeat when I mentioned how happy the bugs in the landfill will be, to feast upon this piece of organic treasure. Thank you for thanking me for picking up your trash.

Sincerely,

Definite Maybe

Posted July 25, 2009 by comomma in Uncategorized

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